It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
