Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
