I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
