I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
