last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
