Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
