Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
In America we eat man semen.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
