Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
