Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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