last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
this just has baby written all over it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
