He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
