im about as happy as oj after his trial
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
