Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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