i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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