I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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