Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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