I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
