When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
