i need an iv and a liver transplant
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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