when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
