Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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