I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
