Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
