I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
