is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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