It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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