Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
