oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
