apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
