i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
