So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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