He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
