Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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