I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
