Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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