one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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