I'm going to jail i love you
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Green mimosas i think yes
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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