I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
