the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
