Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
