We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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