she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
