I looked at my own cervix.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
