just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
