If that was your dad, he is hot
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
