So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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