I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
