somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
