p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
