i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have aggressive nipples.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
