I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
