Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
my liver is dry heaving
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
