peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
