So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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